Ever sat next to a fat person on a commuter flight?

[F15HAR]

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/01/01/rich-wisken-writes-incred_n_4527086.html

An airline passenger's letter to the Australian airline that forced him to sit next to a man as fat as 'an infant hippopotamus" who smelled like 'blue cheese" and a 'Mumbai slum" has gone viral due to its hilarious comparisons and eloquent fury.

According to Huffington Post UK, Rich Wisken wrote on a blog that he paid an extra $23 for an aisle seat on his flight from Perth to Sydney so he could have more room on his four-hour flight.

Instead, however, he found himself seated next to a morbidly obese man, pinning him to his seat like 'a fleshy boulder."

He tried to change seats but every empty space was taken up by passengers stretching themselves out for comfort.

'It was then I realised that my fate was sealed," Wisken wrote to Jetstar airlines. 'I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt (the blob creature in Star Wars) and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning."
And if he wasn't angry enough, Wisken found out two days later that a flight to Melbourne he booked with the same airline had been canceled.

The re-scheduled flight was canceled as well and the one after that was delayed for two hours.

After receiving the letter, Huffington Post UK reports, Jetstar emailed Wisken with an $87 voucher to compensate for the string of inconveniences.

'Awesome work, Jetstar!" he wrote in response.

'Two of my flights in the past two days have been cancelled. You're so lucky that my favorite pastime is wasting both time and money getting to and from airports. Imagine how annoyed someone who doesn't LOVE wasting time and money would feel about this situation. Man, I'd hate to be that guy..."
The full letter can be found below.

Dear Jetstar,

Do you like riddles? I do, that's why I'm starting this letter with one. What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about, what measures food portions in kilograms and has the personal hygiene of a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. What's fat as *****, stinks like ***** and should be forced to purchase two seats on a Jetstar flight? That's right, it's the man I sat next to under on my flight from Perth to Sydney yesterday.

As I boarded the plane, I mentally high-fived myself for paying the additional $25 for an emergency seat. I was imagining all that extra room, when I was suddenly distracted by what appeared to be an infant hippopotamus located halfway down the aisle. As I got closer, I was relieved to see that it wasn't a dangerous semi-aquatic African mammal, but a morbidly obese human being. However, this relief was short-lived when I realised that my seat was located somewhere underneath him.

Soon after I managed to burrow into my seat, I caught what was to be the first of numerous fetid whiffs of body odour. His scent possessed hints of blue cheese and Mumbai slum, with nuances of sweaty flesh and human faeces sprayed with cologne - Eau No. Considering I was visibly under duress, I found it strange that none of the cabin crew offered me another seat. To be fair, it's entirely possible that none of them actually saw me. Perhaps this photo will jog their memories.

Pinned to my seat by a fleshy boulder, I started preparing for a 127 Hours-like escape. Thankfully though, the beast moved slightly to his left, which allowed me to stand up, walk to the back of the plane and politely ask the cabin crew to be seated elsewhere. I didn't catch the names of the three flight attendants, but for the purpose of this letter, I'll call them: Chatty 1, Chatty 2 and Giggly (I've given them all the same surname - Couldnotgiveashit). After my request, Chatty 1 and Chatty 2 continued their conversation, presumably about how ***** they are at their jobs, and Giggly, well, she just giggled. I then asked if I could sit in one of the six vacant seats at the back of the aircraft, to whichGiggly responded, 'hehehe, they're for crew only, hehehe'. I think Giggly may be suffering from some form of mental impairment.

I tried to relocate myself without the assistance of the Couldnotgiveashit triplets, but unfortunately everyone with a row to themselves was now lying down. It was then I realised that my fate was sealed. I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning. Just before landing, I revisited the back of the plane to use the toilet. You could imagine my surprise when I saw both 'crew only" rows occupied by non-crew members. I can only assume Giggly let them sit there after she forgot who she was and why she's flying on a big, shiny metal thing in the sky.

Imagine going out for dinner and a movie, only to have your night ruined by a fat mess who eats half your meal then blocks 50% of the screen. Isn't that exactly the same as having someone who can't control their calorie intake occupying half your seat on a flight? Of course it is, so that's why I'm demanding a full refund of my ticket, including the $25 for an emergency row seat.

I'm also looking to be compensated for the physical pain and mental suffering caused by being enveloped in human blubber for four hours. My lower back is in agony and I had to type this letter one-handed as I'm yet to regain full use of my left side. If I don't recover completely, I'll have to say goodbye to my lifelong dream of becoming Air Guitar World Champion. If that occurs, you will pay.

To discuss my generous compensation package, email me at: [email protected], or tweet me at: @RichWisken

No regards, Rich Wisken.

Via: Huffington Post UK, Top Photo Courtesy: Tumblr

 

[infrasilver]

I have a similar true story that happened to me on a flight between Washington and Paris, Fr in 2000.

I was seated in an aisle seat, centre of the plane, sat quietly reading FHM with two spare seats to my right thinking I was the last person on the flight, I chilled out.

Next thing I know this voice says I think that's my seat, I looked up and thought WTF, this HUGE, I mean HUGE woman was stood there waiting for me to move whilst I'm checking out the bikini clad girls in my Magazine, I closed the magazine, got up and let her squeeze through to her seat, I was stood there whilst she tried to get in but the seat arm only lifts half way and didn't tuck in between the seats, I'm still stood here in the aisle whilst she shouts for the concierge. I'm not looking forward to sitting here for the next 7 hours I'm thinking.

I find out when she's berating the staff she had bought 2 seats (one for each arse cheek) but because the centre arm of her seats wouldn't go all the way in she complained, quite loudly (I would of drawn less attention to myself in this case).

She demanded the crew fix this problem, now the plane is delayed. 20 minutes later two engineers get on the plane and start to remove the centre arm all together this took another 20 minutes to remove it. Lots of people were tutting and moaning the whole time this is happening. She flops down telling me she always buys two seats when flying, I sit back down only looking at pages in FHM that contain cars in them, thinking, this is going to be a horrible flight.
The hostess came up and asked if everything was okay and did I want to move, being British and said no don't worry about it, all the time thinking "HELP please move me". She said I've found another seat further back, I accepted (glad I did, I met a nice Argentinian woman and had dinner with her a couple of nights in Paris, and was invited back to California where she now lived).
The flight landed and I had to wait for everyone to get off the plane to get back to my bag above my original seat, OMG the smell in that area was horrendous. SOOOO glad I got moved, but felt sorry for the ones in the immediate area that had to endure the whole delayed flight.

 

[F15HAR]

The delights of regular air travel.
I'm always concerned that upon landing Dutch passengers have a habit of providing a round of applause. Were they not expecting to?
I'm pretty sure the landing part of the flight is included in the ticket price with KLM.

 

[clarkycat]

I had a huge guy sit next to me on the way back from Copenhagen a couple of years ago. He was nervous as well I think, as he started sweating heavily before take off, and continued to sweat through his clothes for the entire two hours. Also, when the food came he bought enough crisps an stuff to eat until the seatbelt signs came back on.

It was not fair ON HIM to sell him a seat, I spent the flight with his internal organs spilling over the armrest onto my lap, it was absolutely disgusting by any measure.

IMHO if you are so massive you cannot fit into a seat without occupying someone else's seat too, then there should be a massive seat (charged accordingly of course) but there should be a massive seat for you with an extra weight allowance attached to it just like baggage.

I mean, If I strapped my heavy cases to my sides so I did not fit in my seat and expected to sit down and not pay extra, would that be cool? What if EVERY passenger was 20 stone? There SHOULD be provision as there ARE massive people out there and it's stupid to pretend they are not different.

The Copenhagen experience was so bad that it was all I could think about when flying to HK later that year, and to this day I am not happy on any plane until I see who is sat next to me.
:nooo:

 

[RedJedi]

I've actually been banging on about this to anyone who listens:

Why do we have a luggage allowance in weight - but NOT for our own bodyweight.

Yes, there should be FAT TAX for people over a certain weight and YES they should buy 2 seats.

Not only do they use up more fuel and hence pollute the air etc, but they also make it uncomfortable for other passengers.

I actually think that airlines should do a combined weight allowance - body and luggage.

I was 87 kg at my peak, and now down to 70 kg with about 13% body fat - and that is all down to eating healthy and working out.

I don't see why I should pay the same for a flight as someone who is 150kg, who eats like s*** and has their ass on a couch all day.

I have not heard of anyone to argue successfully against me on this one....

 

[FLETCHER]

I hate fat people and public transport .

 

[F15HAR]

Weigh more, pay more... I've just come across a great article that sums up the argument against acceptance of obesity very eloquently.

http://www.project-syndicate.org/commentary/weigh-more--pay-more

 

[DeathStar]

I hate fat people and public transport .

:lol:

 

[pirellipete]

I'm Fat, and I use Public Transport....

I hate people so far up their own @rses about their body fat %age, how much they work out and what perfect human beings they are

It seems to make them really fliicking obnoxious

 

[clarkycat]

I'm not fat, I have no idea what my body fat is, I stay fit as I enjoy cycling and want to live for as long as possible with a quality of life that means I can physically do anything and feel good about myself.

If you are fat, but you look in the mirror and like what you see, and are happy with your physical state of health and want to live your life that way then roll with it, as you are as happy as me.


But you will never get around the OP's point that fat people simply do not fit into things because they are fat, that IS true and DOES happen.

:nooo:

 

[Jamesyg]

It seems many of us have had similar experiances..

Back in my Student days I studied Archaeology, and was lucky enough to secure 8 weeks of field work just outside Budapest, on the edge of the Danube.

Being a student, I opted for the most cost effective form of travel - a 26 hour coach ride from London, all the way through Germany and Austria and onto my destination.

Now the trip out there wasn't to bad, I was with friends, and with a suitable amount of alocohol and 'flirting' with the females on the coach the trip went at some pace.

However... the way back 8 weeks later was a different matter. I had made the decision to travel back a few days earlier then my fellow students, and so boarded the coach on my own ready to my return.

Having sat down, and mentally prepareing myself for the arduous retrun leg, I was greeted by a rather large hungarian man, asking me to move over to allow him to sit down... now the rest of the story follows that of those told... however.. for a total of 26 hours.

I barely slept..... He kept releasing wind.. and at one point removed what appeared to be the remenants of left over Goulash from his bag to consume on the journey....

NEVER EVER again will I travel that distance by coach... I am still scarred today.

 

[clarkycat]

Lest it turns into fat bashing...

The OP's point about taking up space is valid, I don't see how anyone should think it's ok to spend several hours taking up seats either side of them that some people have probably saved all year to buy.

It is not the 'larger' persons fault that society refuses to cater for them, and it is absolutely ridiculous the problem is ignored and mentioning it marks you out as being rude. Fat people are not reading the news, flip though the argos book and yep! No fat people, even the pukka pies posters show models, pictures of the pool at your holiday hotel, it's like we should pretend they don't exist, how fair is that?

The only time they are on TV ads is normally when it's played for laughs like the 'wonga' or 'go compare' adverts, on tv programs they are either comedians or on those ghastly 'my ten ton dad', 'fat camp', 'fat ladies cook', 'fat teens' etc. They are largely ignored or laughed at, can you IMAGINE if that was done because of colour or race?

The airline cannot make every seat three times as wide as my backside just so as not to upset fat people, that would be stupid. But if someone has a backside three times wider than a seat, it's mindless to pretend they are not and expect them to sit in a row of three seats and expect the people either side of them not to have their journey ruined, and to sit there thinking it would be wrong to say anything.

All three people have the same right to complain about the situation and all three deserve the seat they paid for.
:thumbs:

If you have a baby, a wheelchair, the airline will cater for you, because that is an accepted issue...

 

[infrasilver]

Lest it turns into fat bashing...

I was getting worried this is how the thread was going and I was hoping it wouldn't.

 

[F15HAR]

The posting of the article was mainly based on an appreciation of the eloquent fury that the writer displayed at the inequality that pretty much all regular air travellers will have experienced. It is however just a relevant for steroid fuelled juice heads with shoulders spilling over other passengers.
The post was not intended to be a criticism of fat or obese people, I'd place that post in a different topic area, rather than the joke room.
Why should I accept that I must pay €60 for an excess of 2kg on my luggage, when the passenger sat beside, or on top of, me weighs 100kg more.
If your new car required modification to accommodate a wider posterior I'm fairly certain it wouldn't be done free of charge.

 

[RedJedi]

Road Tax is based on CO2 emissions - the higher the emissions, the more road tax you pay.

Air Travel - well luggage is based on weight, you pay more if you go beyond your allowance - presumably because it uses more fuel. Yet the person can weight whatever they like - there is nothing that charges the heavier any more, nor are they forced to buy 2 seats.

That is wrong.

I choose to drive the car I do, and pay the £465 Road Tax annually.

I have friends who choose to drive another car and pay £0 Road Tax, and feel great about it.

But why do they not apply this on to air travel using combined weight of the person and luggage?